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SEAMUSNET
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MY
STORY
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MY
good friend, Angel the Guitar
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The
sun first shined on my bare ass in 1970 in
Dearborn,MI, a lower middle class
neigborhood that was predominantly arabic.
We were the minority.
The
Sun didn't shine on my childhood too
brightly though and I was trouble from
the word," waaa."
My
mother, who after losing her first
child,(Terri Lynn,) started drinking heavily
to cope with the pain,(Who the hell
wouldn't.) Eventually she became dependant
on booze and wasn't around much to
raise my brother and two remaining sisters,
so my older sister Deb did a lot
of the raising..... hell and us
hellions,(some mary jane,  and
did the best she could,(We had some fun I'll
admit and learned the music and culture of
her generation. It was generation X meet the
age of the last hippies and beatniks.) "Cool
Maaan."
I
was always out for attention, the best way I
knew how to get it was by getting into
trouble. I was always the class clown who
sat directly in front of teachers desk. I
mean within reach baby,directly touching her
desk. I won't even tell you what I did
to that poor woman's coffee and food
besides all the other hell I raised. One day
a semi-famous performer,(I can't remember
his name,) came to our little private
Lutheran school, that my parents could not
afford, and I glued all the piano keys
together. The house was packed and when he
started his first song.....boing, tweek,
boom!! I never laughed so hard in my life.
The pricipal didn't laugh,(I don't know
why?)
I
was off and running jack, I loved being the
center of attention even if it meant a lot
of consequences.
"Screw 'em." I thought.
This
led down to a road of adventure, trouble,
drugs, sex, touble and of course, rock &
roll,(did I mention trouble?) A lot of rocks
I recall. I brought the family and friends
with me even though they didn't want to go.
That's what happens ya know. We force em
there at first and then they just don't know
what the hell to do like getting into a taxi
where the driver is some looney, suicidal,
quack from Cali.
I
started drinking when I was 11. First
at family parties, weddings and the like.
When the adults were drunk enough I would
sneak one beer after the other.I remember
the first time I got drunk. It was from
fermented fruit at a wedding and I
loved the feeling of invincibilty it gave
me.I was king, and ruler; Ten foot tall and
bulletproof; Funny and cool at the same
time. James Dean had nothing on me!!! (Yeah
right.)
By
the time I was in high school I was
drinking regularly and was well known
as,"ALKIE," and I was proud of
it.I could hold my booze and didn't get sick
like the other young punks who couldn't
handle it. I had girlfriend after girlfriend
and the world was mine for the
taking.(Seriously...I did.)
I
was always a small kid and got picked on a
lot at school until one day I decided to
fight back. I broke a wooden chair over
a guy's head in auto shop.He shoved me one
too many times. He was much bigger than
me but the chair still knocked him out.
"That
will show 'em," I thought.
After
that I started taking Karate to learn how to
defend myself.(Bruce Lee-watch out.) I
was starting to stand up to those who picked
on me. One time 20 guys showed up at my
house wanting to avenge a friend, but my dad
came out with
a
baseball bat, said,"I
can't get all of you but I'll take 6 of you
with me!" and sent
them running.(Thanks Dad.)
When I
was 14 I moved out and shortly after I
became very involved in a Pentecostal church
and was taken in by a family who belonged to
this church. I had known them for years
prior and I was in need of a place to live.
I was intrigued by this lifestyle and loved
the people I met and got to know. I involved
myself in many aspects of ministry including
drama,pantamime, puppets and handing out
food and clothes to the needy.
This
suspended my drinking for a couple of
years,but not my behavior and eventually I
began lying about,"my
story," and was drinking at
church functions like campouts and the
like.Everything I lied about was to become
true later on in life. I lied to get
attention from my peers and adults alike. I
made stories up about drug use, gang
violence, guns and everything that I thought
my peers were intrigued with.
By
this time my Mother had sought help and many
peolpe found out and made fun of the fact
that my Mom was an alcoholic. That's when I
no longer wanted to be called "ALKIE"
anymore. No one dare do that.I ran from that
title for the next 10 plus years living in
denial even when it got really bad.
I
joined The Navy in 1988 and became a
Hospital Corpsman, eventually ending up with
a Marine Corps division.(For those who don't
know, all Marine Corpsman hail from the
Navy. A Hospital Corpsman is a medic.)
I
did a lot of drinking in the Marines and was
encouraged right along. Now
I was not only a king but I was king shit.
In
1990 I got in a fight with someone in a
nearby town and later, after many beers,some
Irish whiskey and a few bottles of
wine, I unloaded six clips from my .45 ACP
into his Camaro.What most didn't know was
that I found out my "first love,"
was cheating on me.We
were engaged to be married and just before
shooting the car up, I put that gun to my
head, weeping like a baby and laughing like
a mad cap at the same time. I pulled that
trigger and of all 60 rounds I fired, it was
the only one that did not go off!! Believe
it dadyo.
His
Car was parked across the street in front of
his neighbors house and I came inches
away from killing three small children
sleeping in their room.
"Freeze
and get on the ground," the SWAT
team yelled at me as I was looking for
the cat and carelessly wondering
around never thinking anything would come of
my little tyrade."Where
is the gun and the drugs," they
asked not too politeley as they had me hog
tied and kicked in my ribs. They thought for
sure there had to be drugs involved...there
was....ALCOHOL!
I
was arrested for attempted murder and was
hauled off to jail. The charges were dropped
down to "discharging a firearm in a
grossly negligent manner within the city
limits."
I
spent 4 months in county and then was
turned over to the MP's and brought to a
military brig,(jail.)
I
had a good lawyer and only was convicted
of being AWOL
for the time I was in jail,conduct
not becoming a Marine and
received a year for my crimes which I
spent in a 3rd level federal
penententary.
I
made friends and was protected from much
of the violence there until one day I
was caught alone in the shower and was
held down by four men and raped by
another.Go ahead and laugh, just don't
let me ever catch you. Seriously!!!
My
possy found out about this and the
rapist paid dearly for what he did.
This
event haunted me for many years. People
joked about it and I felt very
embarrased by it. Now I know that
there is nothing I could have done. The
strongest of men can't fight off five
very strong men.
I
was released and stayed in the Marines
till the end of 1992. I was given orders
to be attached to Marine Recon and began
more training for this great group of
Marines preparing for Desert Storm. I
went to the gulf and made it through
without a scratch but saw many things
that would later haunt me. Next stop was
the Philipines. What a blast I had
there, scuba diving on my time off and
drinking like a good Marine. Everything
was great until Mt. Pinatuba erupted and
all hell broke loose. The guirilla
factions living in the jungles started
looting all the stores and stealing
equipment from our base. Three Marines
were kidnapped and after the ash cleared
we went after them. We dropped in over
their HQ and were engaged in combat when
I was shot above my hip. The bullet went
through me and into my right hand.
Another Corpsman performed CPR on me for
45 minutes until I was brought back to
base. When I was finally revived, my
heart beat was 17 beats a minute and I
was sent to Germany to have a pacemaker
inserted to keep me alive. Because I was
kept alive by my friend and my blood was
being pumped through me artificially, I
suffered from Hypoxia, (lack of oxygen
to the brain,) which caused me to start
having seizures. I still suffer from
seizures and recently underwent surgery
to try and aleviate them. I hope it
works.
When
I got out I went to visit some relatives
in AZ.
There
I started using cocaine
and smoked a lot of pot as well as
drinking.I was off to the races.
I
came home 4 months later.
At
home things were OK. I found a place to
live and found work drawing blood at a
clinic.
My
drug use continued and I kept trying new
drugs, never thinking I had a problem.
Soon
I tried the one drug I never thought I
would try, Heroin. Guy
said,"snort
it, you don't have to mainline," because I
thought shooting up was for low lifes.
I
vomitted and my friend was quick to tell
me that I wasted most of the H. So I
immediately took the plunge and shot it
up.
I
loved the feeling it gave me and I was
hooked pretty quickly.Slow rivers
passing by, warm and encompassing,
filling my head, my heart, my soul. I
was in love and I would do anything for
my new found passion.
This
lasted for almost a year until I decided
to kick it. This
is where the river becomes cold and
dark. The shakes so bad you think the
earth is going to fall apart. Your skin
itching and burning as if from the
inside out. Days slip by in
cartoon-dazed dreary bedlum.
I
began substituting the H with pain
killers. Anything I could get my hands
on, morphine,vicodin,percocet,darvocet...you
name it.I was even drinking two bottles
of Nyquil a day! I thought I was Ok
because I wasn't shooting up. HA. What a
lie!
In
1994 I was involved in a motorcycle
accident which broke my arm,wrist and
shoulder blade.
I
was incapacitatd for a while and received
a call from a cousin in AZ who wanted me
to come there and help her get out of
town. So, I sold what I could, packed what
I couldn't and drove back to AZ with her
brother.
I
drank and drugged there and got into more
trouble running from the law almost
driving someone over. When I finally
stopped in front of a prominent dealer's
house The cops went to the back of the
truck and pulled out two bags of
white powder. I ran my ass off through the
house and over some fences. I got away
that day but turned myself in 7 days later and
was in jail for 5 months. I was visited
often by detectives wanting me to set up a
drug deal with, "my
connections." MY CONNECTIONS???"
I didn't know any of these people and had
no idea where this stuff came from. When I
finally went to court, all of the evidence
"mysteriously" disappeared and
Judge Conn was very suspicious.
I
later found out that The F.B.I. were
investigating The Bullhead City Police for
drug trafficking. I was outta there as
fast as a jack rabbit and I
never looked back. I moved to Phoenix to
pick up my addiction where I left off.
I
became very strung out and homeless in
AZ.One time i woke with fire ants inside
of my clothes biting me everywhere. I was
jumping and jawing, heeing and hawing and
stripped my clothes off till I was naked
as a jaybird. People must have thought I
was nuts.
I
managed to make it home late in 1995.
Back
home I received my first DUI. I was
ordered to go to alcohol awareness
classes. It was a weekend deal. I showed
up friday, went out after, got drunk, and
was too hung over to show up saturday.
They
gave me one more chance. I showed
friday,got drunk,didn't show up saturday.
So
I just avoided my sentencing and said,"catch
me when you can."
They
did and I was brought before the judge who
sentenced me to six months in jail. I did
four weeks due to overcrowding and felt
like I had beat the system because I had
no probation,no AA and no community
service.
Shortly
after this event my life was in such
disarray, I was sick all the time, having
to be taken to the ER multiple times
weekly that I just gave up.I was suicidal,
and highly addicted to so many drugs it's
hard to name them all.
I
knew I needed help and I sought it.
A
new beginning, rehab and AA saved my life.
I
am still very involved with recovery and
It has changed my life entirely.
I
was a hopeless drunken drug addict who
could never quit on his own.
I
started having seizures after being
wounded while serving in The Marines
but it was never a big problem until 2002.
Then I began having seizures very
regularly.
So
it was back to the drawing board, humbled
and asking God to help me AGAIN. He did.
He is so merciful like that and I will
always remember what a pastor by the name
of Pastor O used to always say, "It's
God's kindness that leads us to
repentance, not his wrath." A good
scripture to remember.
Now
I wait for a surgery that will most likely
heal me from these seizures that cripple
my social life and burden those that take
care of me. I cannot wait.
I
am so grateful for AA and to God for
leading me there!!!!
There
is much more to come....to be
continued.......
That's
me, clean, sober and a little bit cocky.
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